Co-exist with Others: Affirm Goodness

Co-existence uses Affirmation

Having created my psychosocial world in the image of goodness as I dream of it, and commenced building my character accordingly, I become immediately aware that I must co-exist with others. This may be easy and comfortable for some «others», but «others» also includes many who (in my view) live in a crude or irrational way, as well as others who are sophisticated but with whom I disagree, possibly vehemently.

My psychosocial creation must therefore interact and compete with the worlds of others. The best I can hope for is that natural competition can occur in a good fashion. The alternative to good coexistence is hostility, with overt wishes to eradicate alternative «enemy» worlds. This leads, ultimately, to loyalty-justified wars of annihilation. Fear of mutual destruction is often all that restrains ethnocentric hostilities, not any belief in either goodness or coexistence.
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The tremendous diversity of personal psychosocial worlds alters over time, but it can never be eradicated. The powering elements of any human world are value systems, and these are inherently divisive and exclusive. (Details: Ch.4 in Working with Values.) Some value systems may be intrinsically harmful, but many are useful and others (located within THEE) reflect necessary aspects of human nature.

Coexistence exposes my world to the danger that I will adapt and accommodate to surrounding opinion. That can weaken or distort my vision. Coexistence therefore requires me to handle my created world positively. This means continual reaffirmations to reinforce its existence and worth, as well as to reveal its nature for others. By combining only odd- or only even-numbered Groupings, it is possible to reinforce both aspects:

• affirmation of goodness—to ensure persistence of my world
• affirmation of myself—to ensure persistence of my world.
  

Review this duality.

Here we deal with influences between the odd-numbered Groupings so as to bolster my affirmations of goodness. The next topic deals with combining even-numbered Groupings which bolster affirmations of myself.

Interdependence with Others
G"5-Attain Equanimity ↔ Overcome Pain-G"3

To coexist with others and yet sustain my psychosocial world with its commitment to goodness, I must first of all deal with being embedded in social situations. The primary tool here is the activation and use of ultimate values-R"G1.

It is easy to accept that everyone, whatever their psychosocial reality, is preoccupied with overcoming pain-L3. The less suffering there is in the world, the happier everyone tends to be, and (usually) the more tolerant too. In affirming goodness, my great dreams-R"G7 and capacity for attaining equanimity-R"G5 are the other significant states.

Because there are two Centres in both Attain Equanimity and Overcome Pain, there are 4 possible Channels. However, two of these are not appropriate.

Radiate Serenity ↔ Handle Personal Pain
Details

Other people are affected by me. They can experience empathy as I do. That means that they will feel my suffering if I do not handle my pain. By radiating serenity, I am communicating that whatever my distress, it is being mastered. The alternative would be to ventilate emotions, make complaints, and intrude with personal details of complicated situations. To maintain my equanimity, I must rise above the situation and, without denying anything, take in my stride the distress inherent in living.

The Channel R"G5_A ↔ R"G3_E is named: Rise above the Situation.

Find Personal Contentment ↔ Feel Others' Suffering
Details

Feeling the suffering of others leads to urges to become more involved. Immersing myself in the relevant situation is necessary to ensure I handle matters wisely and compassionately. Immersion is also a prerequisite for making a creative contribution. Creatively relating with others and their suffering engenders feelings of satisfaction. Not doing so, via distancing or disconnection, leads to disturbing experiences like guilt, shame, remorse or regret—all of which preclude contentment.

The Channel R"G5_E ↔ R"G3_A is named: Immerse in the Situation.

Absence of Direct Interaction

Radiate Serenity cannot directly interact with Feel Others' Suffering because suffering disrupts serenity.

Find Personal Contentment cannot directly interact with Handle Personal Pain because attention to personal pain indicates an absence of contentment.

Independence of Others
G"3-Feel Others' Suffering ↔ Use Ultimate Values-G"1

The creation of my world is evidence that I am unique and so, in some respects, independent of others. Nevertheless, in coexisting, I must be able to bypass inner strength-RG"2 and deal directly with my own pain and the pain of others, as well as dysfunction or destructiveness that so often flow from pain.

Handle Personal Pain ↔ Use Ultimate Values
Details

If I am in pain, then I am responsible for bearing it &/or doing something about it. My environment may be a constant and unnecessary source of pain e.g. I may experience continuing rejection due to a failure to recognize my qualities, or humiliation based on someone's sadistic domination, or work that is a poor fit with my physical strength or temperament. Whenever I am being harmed and feel trapped like this, I need to use ultimate values as a basis for action so as to adjust matters, and even disengage or extract myself completely. The situation will determine what is needed: perhaps tenderness, or flexibility, or humour, or communication.

The Channel R"G3_E ↔ R"G1_B is named: Break Out of the Situation.

Feel Others' Suffering ↔ Use Ultimate Values
Details

Feeling the suffering of others flows from an empathic identification. The emergence of ultimate values is the beginning of an enlightened effort to act on that suffering. Instead of simply watching and expecting someone else (or nowadays the government) to do something, I come to realize that it is up to me, despite the absence of any formal obligation and my independence. Taking deliberate action flows from feeling this humane sense of responsibility. At the same time, I must respect that each person has a responsibility for their own situation.

Anonymous: I wondered why somebody didn't do something. Then I realized, I am somebody.

The ChannelR"G3_A ↔ R"G1_B is named: Share Responsibility in the Situation.

Other Potentials

G"7-Entertain Great Dreams — Attain Equanimity-G"5
Not requisite. Why?

Direct interaction does not make sense because equanimity is like an opposite to great dreams. The dream depends on an inner dissatisfaction that motivates and fosters action.

G"5-Attain Equanimity — Use Ultimate Values-G"1
Not requisite. Why?

This Channel would bypass Building Character-G"4, Overcoming Pain-G"3 and Finding Strength-G"2. Ignoring all these processes does not seem sensible or feasible.

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In affirming goodness, the two dimensions support each other. Social inter-dependence exists because you are embedded in situations. Rising above these is necessary to ensure a sensible immersion within them. Personal independence goes with being responsible. If it is for another's sufferings, then that means sharing responsibility. If it is for your own pain, then you have the responsibility to endure or exit the situation.

However, affirming goodness is not enough for your world to persist and coexist. You must also affirm yourself appropriately. The relevant Channels emerge from combining even-numbered Groupings.

• See next topic.

Originally posted: 26-Jul-2013